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8.21.08
Hangin' With The Squatch
Our exclusive interview with New England's own Bigfoot.
SixStates.net:
First of all, I thought you lived in the Pacific Northwest or North
Georgia. Why New England?
Bigfoot: The Northwest is really beautiful and all, but damn it
rains all the time. Who needs all that wetness? I ain’t Nessie. And
Georgia? I mean, c’mon, it’s Georgia. Really. How could people not know
that was a hoax.
SixStates.net: What do you love about New England?
Bigfoot: What’s not to love? There’s so much to do here. I can
spend the afternoon scratching myself against tree bark, chow down on
some nice opossum road kill for dinner, and then head into a place like
Burlington, hit a club, pick-up some honeys, y’know?
SixStates.net: You pick up ladies?
Bigfoot: You know it, brah. I’ve got game. I mean, my name is
Bigfoot. Big . . . Foot. Everyone knows what they say about guys
with big feet. Hee hee hee.
SixStates.net: Wow, that is . . . disturbing.
Bigfoot: Jealous?
SixStates.net: A lot of the people who claim to have heard you
say you knock wood together at night. What’s up with that?
Bigfoot: You spend your whole life without your HD TV, hanging
out with a bunch of other hairy man-apes chowing on squirrels in the
middle of the woods, and then see how long before you're getting your
rocks off by spooking frightened hikers. Don’t judge.
SixStates.net: You do any outdoor sports or anything?
Bigfoot: I like hiking and foraging. I do some mountain biking,
but I have a hell of a time finding a good seat for my big sasquatch
arse. Not too big into the winter sports scene. But I have a cousin who
is.
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